I am writing a funny (I guess, it’s supposed to be funny) entry on the other blog but in reality, I am falling apart.
I am collapsing under the daily grind. I have not had time to recover. I have not had privacy to grieve. I have not had time to catch my breath. I think I got about five hours alone since I got home.
All day I serve and I do not hear a thank you. My children are so, so, so trying lately. Sarah is into everything. Henry has a smart mouth. Rhys pitches hellacious fits. MY BRAIN HURTS FROM THIS. MY HEART HURTS FROM THIS.
We couldn’t even get through phonics today. We couldn’t get to math the other day. Henry can’t handle the work load, he piddles, he’s so easily distracted, it drives me crazy. There’s nothing I can do about this short of schooling him once everyone is in bed and that’s impossible. I’m going to start Rhys on phonics next week – he is ready, but how can I make time for him when Henry wastes time so?
Rhys got through CC in 15 minutes today. Henry never got to it because he never even got his core subjects done.
I am DONE with the Wii, the DS and the computer. I have been buying them books according to the reading guide I bought but DS and Wii games and video games keep showing up at our house. I hate this! I want them to READ, not watch tv or play video games like zombies! I’ve been trying so hard to make them appreciate reading and cultivate a love of reading but this garbage is invading their brains and ripping up all the roots that have taken hold. Sick of it. Technology is a boon and a curse. I’m packing up the Wii and their DSs tonight and putting them away. They are gone. Whether they go up on ebay is going to be up to Dave, but the boys won’t be playing them (and whining and fighting) again any time soon.
I am about to explode. My chest hurts. My jaw hurts from being clenched nonstop. I feel so alone. I pray and cry myself to sleep many, many nights. What else can I do? I am off to read some Psalms and calm down and lower my blood pressure.